Verloren
by dpbclover
Summary: I wasn't born to live in this world; I was born to die in it. I would never fit in no matter how hard I tried. No one would ever accept me... at least I thought no one would. This all changed when I met him... but would life be able to stay this way?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Elfen Lied or any of its characters**

**A/N: This is my first fanfiction in the Elfen Lied genre. I think I am a pretty good writer (does that make me sound conceited? O.o I hope not.); however, I really believe all of the stories I've posted on this site are mediocre. This is my attempt at writing the best fanfiction I have ever written and also writing the most reviewed fanfiction for this archive. Please review! I don't care how harsh you are; it'll just help me write better.**

**Aside from the facts above, I just finished watching the whole anime of Elfen Lied in one night. Having the love of writing that I do, I instantly wanted to make a fanfiction. (Well after I felt like making an amv). I know I should plan out my whole story before I write, but I have only got the beginning, middle, and end planned out. All the other events will just fall in between.**

**Sorry for the really long authors note! Without further ado.... let the story begin!**

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**Prologue**

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I _never_ meant to kill. It wasn't what I wanted.... no it wasn't. I never wanted to take the life of any human. But, I was never meant to fit in. I wasn't born to live in this world; I was born to _die_ in it. I was born to die cold, hungry, and worst of all, alone. I did not intend to die like this, however.

All I ever wanted was to fit in; I only ever wanted to be normal. I wanted to be like every other kid I saw having fun on the street. I wanted to be able to birth my own children, to find the man of my dreams. I wanted to love, I really did, even though these things were forbidden to me. But, was trying to be normal such a crime..... or was being myself?

Whether it was a crime or not, it was punishable. The punishments were cruel, unusual, unnatural, unfair.... you get the point. They were enough to break anyone but me. I would endure in this world for the sole hope that I would one day fufill my dreams.

This is the story of how I had my dreams shattered, mended, and kept from me. This is the story of my struggle to gain acceptance. This is the story of my life.


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: I know the Prologue was short, but I am going to try to make long chapters. In your review (if you leave one), please tell how long I should make the chapters. I will do a max of 16,000 words a chapter, but I feel that is a bit too long and I may not always make the limit. **

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**Chapter One**

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The wind was so cold I felt as if it had reached my bones. I shivered and hugged the dirty, limp rags I wore closer to my body. It had little effect.

The lights of the city shone above us to join the lights spilling from the various shops. People were bustling in many directions, some were hurrying, others were not. A multitude of aromas struck the noses of people and as they did, I felt my stomach give a loud moan. I had to find somewhere to eat.

I could feel some people staring at me with disgust as I worked my small body through the crowd. I heard a few shouts of "OI!" or "Watch where you're going!". I tried to ignore them, but I felt hot anger rush to my cheeks.

It was a few minutes before I reached a small shop decorated in many pictures of meat. There were letters too, but I could not read. This was because of my lack of education. Being alone, I could never supply for myself. Maybe I should never have left....

I shrugged my thoughts aside as I tugged open the door. I heard a soft tinkling and blinked at the sudden bright light. I saw many heads turn, but they quickly turned away when they saw what I was. I sighed from the warmth.

I tried to ignore the people, and to my luck, I found that quite easy to do. I was mesmerized by the various decorations that covered the shop and with a humorless laugh, I realized it must be Christmas time. I knew I'd be alone then too.

I knew I didn't have any money to buy this food. I was too proud to beg, but I had no problem with stealing. I knew that this was the only way I could get any food.

I could see that the man at the counter staring at me. I ignored him as I turned down a corner where even more people were eating. He could not see me anymore.

A man,who was sitting by himself, sat closest to me, so my mind decided to steal from him. He was a large man and the table in front of him held more food than he could possibly eat. Beside his table, was a large window that overlooked the street.

I shuffled over to the man and he glared up at me. He put a large arm over his food, guessing my intentions. I sighed and sat down opposite the man.

"Get away from me, you freak." he said glancing up at the horns that were reaching from my head. I felt my heart plummet at the familiar words, but, like I had done to so many things before now, I tried to ignore it.

"Please, sir......" I began and I could see contempt flash across his face. I wasn't surprised by his actions; this was how I was normally treated. I could tell that he was about to talk.

"I said get away," he growled. "I'm not giving you any of my food, no matter how much you beg. Now go before I call the manager!" He made as if to stand up. I wondered briefly if he would be alone on Christmas too.

I knew that I couldn't beg the man, but I didn't want to go and outright steal from him. So, I made another attempt. "Sir, please won't you share with me..? You've got enough there..." I cringed as I realized I may have said the wrong thing. This man could take it that I was calling him fat. I gazed out of the window to escape his gaze.

"What are you saying you, wench?" he cried reaching across the table. I could tell that a few people were looking now, but they soon turned away. When they did, I felt a sharp stinging across my face. I spiraled into blackness immediately, consumed by my anger.

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**_Kill him! _**taunted a voice that seemed to come from all around me. I groaned.

"NO!" I screamed into the darkness. "I will not kill!"

**_But he struck you! He dared put his hands on you!_**

"What does that matter. I don't belong in this world anyway. You see how they treat me! He had every right to do so!" I felt a dark form rub against my side.

**_That's why you must kill my darling..... That's why you make this world your own place. You make this world a place where no one is like him._**

"That is impossible," I said, meekly. This was not my first encounter with the being. This was not the first time I had been inside my own mind. I knew that it spoke the truth, that I _must kill_ in order to fit in. I would have to _kill_ to be happy. But, I was no murderer.

"I would be stopped before I could kill everyone. Besides, I am no killer!"

**_My darling.... how many times must I tell you? You were _born _to kill. That's why you were put here on this Earth! That's why you were made. You're a killer! _**

"No!" I shouted, cringing on my knees. The dark form was visible now. It was wrapped in black, gauze like material. I knew not what it looked like beneath the gauze.

**_Then what were you born to do, friend..? _**It crooned. Tears were spilling from my eyes now. I had never been referred to as a friend.

"I was born to love, to give, and to survive!" I screamed, but my words were hollow.

**_You haven't succeeded so far..... isn't that any indication? You weren't born to do those things. They are to hard for you, impossible. Wouldn't it be so easy just to eliminate those who oppose you? Wouldn't it feel good to have no enemies?_**

"I can overcome any challenge!" I roared, the thought of being a born killer still pressing it's way into my mind. It would be so easy to eliminate my problems..... not overcome them. I would never fit in, I knew it, but why harm those who did? Was it okay to kill if it meant surviving?

**_I see your beginning to understand. _**It's voice was cajoling, empowering. **_Don't follow the path these humans have set for you; your a disclonius. Make your own. Show them your not a freak, show them your superior. Put them where they belong._**

I felt a cold hand reach out to me as I pulled myself off the ground. I looked up into the red eyes exposed from the gauze and closed my own. **_Join me..._**I heard in my head. I took one last thought of my life and placed my hand into the surrounding coldness. The gauze fell away.

The being looked almost exactly like myself. Dark hair spilled down it's back, just like mine. It had the same ears, the same face shape, and body structure. However, it's eyes were different. Where mine were a soft blue, it's were a maniacal red. Rings circled the eyes, making it's appearance even more evil. The mouth twitched into a small grin.

With a whoosh I felt the being's anger at the world become my own. I felt a desire to kill. I felt no remorse.

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I felt my eyes snap open and I was once again in the warm restaurant. The man who had struck me was gaping at me as if I were crazy and the other people around me were staring. I didn't care.

My bloodred eyes pierced the mans soul as I reached my other hands out. The man screamed, for the person under attack is able to see my vector, and tried to run. His weight kept him in place.

A silent scream shot through the man at my hands touch. My four arms each grabbed an arm. (Two to each arm). Immediately, the cloth there burned away, and his arms began to burn. His body tried to scream again, but it came out only as a gurgle. His arms had been withered now, and were hanging uselessly at his side. They were nothing more than black stumps.

All of my hands withdrew but one, and this one I used to finish the man off. Silent tears were spilling down from his eyes, resting in puddles on his large cheeks. He withered in pain.

I felt a sense of excitement and happiness spill through my being at this look. I began to laugh, a laugh that I never laughed before, and I loved the sound. It sounded maniacal and was even more piercing than the cold wind outside. This was one man who wouldn't make it home for Christmas. This was the first man that I would eliminate in my quest for acceptance.

My remaining arm snapped out like a whip and extended it's index finger. Slowly, I placed it in the middle of his forehead.

I reveled in the scream that the man gave. It was a mental scream, of course, but I heard it none the less. Soon, the man was dead.

Then, I was brought back to myself, as the side of the restaurant made a charge for the door. I looked over and, amidst the screaming, realized in horror at what I had done. I fought back tears as I grabbed a large platter that contained food. I broke the window that set beside the table and jumped out. Then, I began to run.

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Many heads turned in my direction as I barreled through the crowd. I could hear people beginning to scream behind me and I knew they were telling people to catch me. A few people were following me, apparently having heard the call for help.

I kept on running relentlessly, tears flying in my wake. My pursuers were gaining on me and I knew, with a sickening feeling, that if they caught me I would have to kill them also. I would have to _kill._

I sped up, more from the fact that I didn't want to kill anyone that the fact that if I were caught I'd probably be sent off for testing. My sides were aching, but I was used to running from people who chased me. However, this was my first time running because of murder.

Soon, the crowd of Christmas shoppers disappeared and the only people around other than me were my pursuers. They were far behind now, lacking the motivation I had to keep running.

With the disappearance of the people, many of the shops also were gone. The ones left were old and grimy, and held only small flickering lights. This cast the town into darkness.

I could hear the hard patter of my foot hitting the ground and sighed. I knew their would be blisters on my foot the following day. I had stopped crying now, although the knot that had formed in my chest had not gone away. I had simply cried too much. I vowed to myself not to cry over that man again.

I couldn't believe I had killed someone, but I knew that I must accept the fact. I had killed and I could not take that back. I told myself not to regret it, not to feel sadness about something I couldn't change. For, I knew if I did, I would be sad for the rest of my life.

But, I could not throw off the blanket of despair that was beginning to cover my soul. I thought about throwing the food away many times, for I didn't want to eat anything I had killed for. However, I told myself, if I threw it away, I would have killed in vain.

I slowed down when I realized I wasn't being followed anymore. I could only hear the sound of my shallow, haggard breathing, and the beating of my heart now. For some reason, this comforted me.

There were no more shops and I realized I had ran into the slums of the town. I turned down an ally that was contained between to warehouses. It was a dead end, but at the end was a small little overhang that reached out from on of the buildings. Two large trashcans surrounded it, making it almost invisible from where I stood. It was the perfect place to spend the night.

As entered the sheltered overhang, I realized that I had never spent the night so far away from the city. Normally, I would find an old building that had been abandoned and sleep there, but now I couldn't. However, the place that I was in now was relatively warm, having protection from the chilling wind.

I settled in to the room like space and sighed. I placed the food I had stolen beside me and drew my knees up to my chin. There really wasn't any room for me to spread out. I put my head down and began to think.

I knew I had to find some cover for my head. The government was on the look out for stray disclonious's and I had always done a pretty good job of keeping myself hidden. It was quite easy, if you take into consideration the fact that I had never got myself caught by any law enforcement. Normal civilians didn't tend to know about disclonius's, so, therefore, I could walk around town unhindered if I avoided the cops. Now, however, things were different.

I knew that the people would report my appearance to the police and once they did my gig would soon be up. The police would surely know that I was a disclonius and they would send me away for testing in the government's facilities. If I could not disguise myself before they found me, I knew my life would be ruined.

It was no comfort to me, as I sat thinking, to realize that I didn't have a life to ruin. Who did it matter to if I were hurt? With a chill, and sadness, that had nothing to do with the wind, I knew the answer to be no one.

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Darkness consumed me once again as a voice resonated in my mind. **_Doesn't it feel good to kill. Doesn't it feel good to get rid of your enemies? I told you that you were a killer... do you see what I mean now?_**

"Go away!" I screamed. I didn't want to hear it's voice; I didn't want to hear the truth. I just wanted to be alone from this being, to have my mind to myself. But, this was not the case and I knew it wasn't. This voice would never leave me alone.

**_I cannot leave you; you know that. You are nothing without me.... You wouldn't fit in without me. I make you who you are. Without me you can't create a world for us to live in!_**

"But I don't want to kill anymore!" I wailed, trying to keep tears from shedding. "I don't want a world where we have to kill to fit in. I don't want to be a murderer!"

**_But, my dear...... you already are._** It crowed. **_You have taken life. You have sullied your hands in blood; you have succumbed to temptation. There is no going back now. We can only move forward! You cannot repent for your actions; you must make it where there is no need to! You were put here to kill and once you realize that this world will be habitable for both of us!_**

My head whirled with the spoken words and I knew they were true. I could not repent for what I had done. Would God forgive such an act? Or did He even notice me. Did He hate me like everyone else did? Or did He put me here to start a new world? Did He put me here to start a world that I could live in?

**_You go unnoticed in this world, _**it said as if reading my thoughts. **_You must be noticed in order to fit in. You must be noticed in order to live your life. You must be noticed to be happy. And you must _kill_ to be noticed....._**I was suddenly plunged back into the normal world, the words last spoken still ringing in my head. _I must kill to be noticed_. This could not be true. Thousands of people were noticed and never killed. But, these people were not like me. I was a disclonius and would never fit in.

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Exhaustion flooded through my body and before I could think anymore, I fell asleep. I slept restlessly and dreamed about killing. I dreamed about fitting in.

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**A/N: Well, that was the first chapter in Verloren. I really hoped you guys liked it and I had a great time writing it. I wrote some parts a bit quickly so if I miss a few mistakes here and there in my editing, please let me know. Please review...... good, bad ( as long as it's constructive), I don't care. Please review!!! :)**


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